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Books, Diet, Food

The Starving Artist Cookbook – Get it While it’s Free!

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Click Image to see on Amazon
Click Image to see on Amazon

On August 22, Self-Publishing Guru Joe Konrath reported that he got drunk and wrote, edited, formatted, designed a cover for and published a short on Amazon in an hour. On four different occasions. He found this exercise tremendously freeing and challenged his readers to try it, giving them 8 hours to accomplish what he did in one.

On August 26, he promised to feature anyone who met the challenge in his August 30 blog: 8 Hour Contest Winners. He gave us until August 29th to complete this and send him the info (click the link to see the books, many of them are free tonight and tomorrow).

I’m not a huge Konrath fan, but I was outside of Chicago at the time visiting my stepmother. Her only computer is an ancient Dell that can surf for exactly five minutes before the browser locks up. There’s only so much I can do on my Kindle Fire. Like watch my on-line writing group buds whooping it up over the silly books they were writing under groaner pen-names. The more fun they were having, the more I felt like I was missing out.

Then I remembered. Back before Lia Anderson was a gleam in my eye, I was researching publishing options. Not because I thought I had a novel in me. Because I wanted to write a cookbook. I abandoned this project for two reasons: 1. I upgraded my word processing app and it ate my MS and 2. I thought eating right was going to cure my TBI (fool, I) and when I realized I didn’t have all the food answers, I dropped the project until such time that I did.

I never did find my answers, but I realized I had a lot of recipes I’d collected along the way. I got back into Cincinnati at 11 p.m. on August 27. Twelve hours later I sat down at my computer (lovely, lovely Mac! How I missed you!) and tossed together The Starving Artist Cookbook, skimming just under Konrath’s 8 hour deadline.

It’s not perfect. I didn’t get to include everything I wanted. The cover is, admittedly, ‘Meh.’ I didn’t have time to create a table of contents. But it’s out there. And tonight and tomorrow, it’s FREE! After that it’s $.99.

I will be adding to this book (and raising the price to a lofty $2.99) sometime this fall. Then I will contact the ‘Zon and tell them I have improved my book, and would they please let all the nice people who already bought it, download the improved version.

It’s written from Lia’s perspective, since she and I share the same quirky attitude about food. It has a large section featuring vegan smoothies, including Lia’s famous ‘pond scum’ smoothies. There’s info about making yogurt (which you can do with almond milk, if you like) and cultured veggies (yum!) and many raw food recipes. There are only a few recipes with include fish and chicken, and none with red meat. It includes several chocolate recipes, including raw fudge and my own crazy cake. One of the first things I’m going to add when I update the book will be Jim McDonald’s crazy cake recipe (which gets a mention in soon-to-be-released Maximum Security).

So, get your copy of The Starving Artist Cookbook now, while it’s free. I guarantee you’ll find at least one keeper recipe in it. And if you don’t, I’ll give you back every penny you didn’t spend on it.

Aztec Diet, Diet, Food, TBI

Aztec Diet: Climbing the Slippery Slope

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It happened. When did it start? Was it Friday, when Anna wanted to have breakfast to share her fears about her schnauzer, Zipper, newly diagnosed with cancer? I chose eggs with goetta, potatoes and a pancake instead of the spinach omelet I knew I should have. The cancer turned out to be too far progressed for treatment. Saturday, Zipper got his angel wings. We went to the movies for a distraction (Iron Man 3 was excellent, BTW). That included buttered popcorn and Popeye’s chicken afterwards. I ate the biscuit and the crunchy skin. This week, I had a raspberry chocolate chip milkshake made with chocolate milk, two small pieces of cheesecake, a Dove Bar, and a Frappuccino. There was also a chicken quesadilla and a beef gordito in there somewhere. There must be other, undocumented sins. I woke up today, two pounds heavier.

I really have to go back further than Friday’s breakfast. I bought kale and spinach 2 weeks ago, and did not touch either until this morning. I was just tired of smoothies, tired of thinking about food, too tired to fix food, tired in general. Perhaps it had something to do with being out of meds for a week. My therapist says this can promote carb and sugar cravings. Switching jobs from grading tests in the evening to polishing flutes in the afternoon must have played a part.

My TBI (traumatic brain injury) has been acting up. That means that simple, everyday tasks require the herculean effort of Frodo clawing his way up the slopes of Mount Doom. “Sam, I can’t do it anymore,” is a frequent mental refrain. I eat whatever is easiest.

This is not so much about blaming or explaining as understanding. I enjoyed my little trip off the food reservation, but I don’t like the aftermath. I don’t want to do this again.

So, how does one climb back up the slippery slope? One step at a time.

Pomegranate Pleasure

    2 Cups spinach
    1/2 Cup yogurt
    1 banana
    1/2 Cup pomegranate juice
    1 Cup water
    2 – 4 TBSP ground chia
Aztec Diet, Diet, Food, Life, On Being a Writer

Aztec Diet Day 37: Beautiful Warts

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Pounds Lost: 18

Breakfast and Lunch: All Day Blueberry Banocado Plus; Snack: low-fat cottage cheese and an apple; Dinner: Tuna on sprouted grain bread; Snack: celery and zucchini chips; Late Snack: almond milk

I feel like the guy in Green Eggs and Ham. I keep avoiding celery as a snack, yet I tried it last night on my break at work and it kept me fairly full and more alert than expected. I topped this off with a few zucchini chips at my desk. Yes, they’re wafer thin. But they absorb water so they make you fuller than you would think. I didn’t even tap into the bag of air-popped popcorn I brought. Note: When making zucchini chips, salt them SPARINGLY. Especially if you are using RealSalt or Celtic sea salt. The chips shrink down, intensifying anything you put on them. So my first batch of chips wound up really salty.

Down side? I wound up ravenous at 11 p.m. Thus the late glass of almond milk.

Yesterday I told Eric I had an opening for a stalker in my next book. He said he’d take it. Then he me to give him hair and make him taller. Ain’t gonna happen. Eric is really cool, just the way he is, short and prematurely bald. He’s upbeat, fun and funny and helpful. Making him conventionally handsome would be a slap to his coolness.

I told Tom (real life model for “Jim” in my books) that Jane made him sound too young and sexy for his part. (Did I stick my foot in my mouth? Probably, I’m a Sagittarius. We do that) I said I was going to have her fix it. He says, It’s okay. You don’t need to change it.” Thing is, I (and many others) love Tom for his simplicity and his good heart. Making him sound like George Clooney is like saying that’s not enough.

Decade ago, “Vogue” was hesitant to feature Cher on the cover because A. She wasn’t blond. and B. She has a bump on her nose. Guess what. That cover outsold all the previous issues.

As an artist, what makes up our “style” is really the way we deviate from the norm. The “norm” is perfection. So our style is really based on our faults and how we deal with them. The art is in turning a fault into a thing of beauty.

Writers love warts. They’re what make us all memorable and different. When we read, we love people who have no filters, who aren’t perfect. A story isn’t a story without mistakes.

In real life, those of us who are sane hate people like Martha Stewart, who are perfectly groomed, perfectly organized and color coordinated, and do everything perfectly well. With flair.

So why do we go through life wishing we were taller, prettier, shorter, richer, more successful, anything-er but what we are? If we could see ourselves through the eyes of someone who loves us, we could abandon our insecurities.

I know all this. I’m still not giving up the diet. It’s a health issue. Yeah, that’s it.


All Day Blueberry Banocado Plus.
Banocado means the base is a banana and an avocado. Plus means I added a big handful of spinach. This is perfect for two servings or for an all-day smoothie.

    1 Cup blueberries
    1 banana
    1 avocado
    1 large handful of baby spinach
    2 – 4 TBSP ground chia seeds
    1 heaping TBSP cacao powder or cocoa (Optional)
    1/2 TSP ground ginger (optional)
    Water, to desired consistency
Aztec Diet, Diet, Food, On Being a Writer

Aztec Diet Day 36: Zucchini Chips and Big Moments

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Weight Lost: 18 pounds

Pre-Breakfast: 1/2 ruby red grapefruit; Breakfast and Lunch: All Day Chocolate Cherry Banocado Plus; Snack: low-fat cottage cheese and 3 ribs celery; Dinner: Tuna Sandwich on sprouted grain bread; Snack: air popped popcorn

Today Jane posted the first 15 minutes of the audiobook of A Shot in the Bark. I was so nervous, I put off listening to it until after I was able to settle myself. Turns out the woman is an even bigger genius than I thought she was. And no, I’m not sharing her last name until I get both books out of her. I wish there was some way to share the recording with you. So I was having a “WOW” moment today.

I used to celebrate big moments with chocolate. Or cheesecake. Or chocolate cheesecake. If it was a really big moment, a fillet, followed by a Chocolate Stampede. I haven’t figured out what to do instead. I don’t drink, so champagne is out. Getting a massage would be great, except you can’t get a good massage on the spur of the moment. At least, I can’t. Maybe you can. When I have an answer to this problem, you’ll be the first to know.

I made it through work without anyone flinging chocolate at me. I suspect I’ll be okay for the next couple weeks, as long as I keep appropriate snacks on hand. No need to worry until the project winds down. Then, one of two things will happen. Either we will be ahead and the work will come slow, with lots of down time conducive to boredom snacking (not good), or we will be behind, and the bowls of chocolate and assorted candy will be passed around from station to station to give us a little something help us keep our focus (also not good).

I need something to chew on that won’t make me fat. Like a piece of rope soaked with hickory smoke.

Today I made dehydrated zucchini chips, thinking this would make a good snack for work. They taste like potato chips, but are sweeter. There’s no frying or oil involved. Zucchini is low in carbohydrates and calories and contains fiber. I popped the first batch into the dehydrator about noon, and they were ready after I got home from work at 10 p.m. I miscalculated, though. I thought 5 zucchinis would make enough chips to last the rest of the week. These are addictive. I’ll be lucky if they last more than 24 hours.

My neighbors, Mike and Marti Dourson (source of Peter Dourson’s name), gave me a t-shirt for Christmas. They had it made up special. It says, “Careful, or you’ll end up in my novel.” I wore it tonight. So Eric, my team leader, asked me if he was going to be in my novel. I told him he might. I have not shared with him what I do to the people I put in my novels. He’d have better odds for survival as a Red Shirt on Star Trek. And a cleaner end, should it come to that. I’ve been thinking he’d make a really great stalker. Maybe I’ll let him choose his own demise. That would be the polite thing to do.

Zucchini Chips

    Slice zucchini thin, about 1/8″. A food processor is fastest, but you’re likely to wind up with paper-thin chips. A mandolin works fine and gives more control and consistency. You can slice them by hand as well.
    Lay out on dehydrator trays (if you have one) or on baking sheets lined with parchment (if you don’t).
    Sprinkle lightly with salt or other spice of choice, such as cumin, pepper, curry, etc.
    Dehydrate at 115 degrees for about 6 – 10 hours, depending how thin your slices are. you can flip these halfway through. It’s not necessary, but it will prevent sticking. If baking, bake in a warm oven for a couple hours, keeping an eye on them. Flip when the tops are crisp and continue baking until done. I can’t give you exact times, because I’ve never made them in an oven.

Excalibur Food Dehydrator

I use an Excalibur 4 tray dehydrator. It’s a decent machine, though If I were to buy another, I’d get the 9 tray. It’s got a more reliable thermostat and you can dehydrate twice as much food. This is the one I’d get: http://www.amazon.com/Excalibur-3900B-Deluxe-Dehydrator-Black/dp/B004Z915M4/


All Day Chocolate Cherry Banocado Plus.
Banocado means the base is a banana and an avocado. Plus means I added a big handful of spinach. This is perfect for two servings or for an all-day smoothie.

    1/2 Cups frozen sweet cherries
    1 banana
    1 avocado
    1 large handful of baby spinach
    1 heaping TBSP cacao powder or cocoa
    2 – 4 TBSP ground chia seeds
    1/2 TSP ground ginger (optional)
    Water, to desired consistency
Aztec Diet, Diet, Food, On Being a Writer

Aztec Diet, Day 35: Chocolate Pudding

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Pounds lost: 18; Inches of belly fat lost: 5.5

Saturday
Breakfast: granola with almond milk; Lunch: venison stew; Snack: low-fat cottage cheese; Dinner: Blue Hawaii; Snack: none

Sunday
Breakfast: Dr. Bob’s Kale Blueberry, made with coconut water; Lunch: venison stew; Snack: Chocolate Pudding; Dinner: Miso Green

I stopped off at the Library on my way home from the dog park Saturday morning. This is what I saw when I walked in the door:

DSC00257

I knew it was going to happen, but I didn’t know it had happened. Sarah was not around for me to hug. I stared stupidly, and said, “That’s my book.” I pointed for the benefit of Chuck, who was sorting the reserved books. Chuck thought I was pointing at M.C. Beaton, and probably wondered why I didn’t just pick it up off the display if I wanted it. After I stupidly kept repeating, It’s my book, he noticed my name on the cover to the right and I got an “Oh, wow, cool!” out of him. Then I ran home (okay smart ass, I drove) to get my camera. Being that I was starving, I had a quick cup of granola instead of the nice leisurely smoothie I had planned. It was a moment.

I spent much of Sunday writing. Poor Lia. All she wants to do is find a missing dog. Little does she know what kind of trouble THAT’s going to cause.

I feel stalled out on my diet. Which means it’s a good idea to get back to basics. This weekend I started thinking about calories more. I may need to re-tool my recipes. Or quit eating venison stew. I’ve been looking at the charts in Dr. Bob’s book, and I find it frustrating that his food lists are so limited. I want to know what he thinks about bean thread as a pasta substitute. And homemade zucchini chips for snacks. Kale chips can be flavorful, but they just don’t satisfy.

Meanwhile, I have had a request for chocolate, so I made some chocolate pudding. Not for every day, but better than stopping off for a hot fudge sundae.

Chocolate Pudding

    1 Cup almond milk
    1 ripe banana
    3 TBSP cacao powder or cocoa
    4 TBSP ground chia seed

Blend the banana and almond milk. When you have a nice whirlpool in the blender, open the lid and add the cacao and the chia. pour into 2 cups and refrigerate until set (If you can last that long. I didn’t).

Blue Hawaii

    3/4 Cup blueberries
    3/4 Cup tropical mix (pineapple, mango and strawberry)
    large handful of baby spinach
    1/8 Cup cashews
    water, to desired consistency
Aztec Diet, Diet, Food

Aztec Diet Day 31: Dr. Bob’s Smoothie Recipes

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Pounds lost: 17 pounds

Pre-Breakfast: apple Breakfast: Chocolate Cherry Banocada; Lunch: 1 Cup low-fat cottage cheese; Snack: ruby red grapefruit; Dinner: Venison Stew; Snack: none

I get a lot of hits from people looking for Dr. Bob’s smoothie recipes. I don’t post them here because I don’t have permission. ABC does, though, and they posted three of them (including his go-to Kale Blueberry Smoothie) along with a recent story about the Aztec Diet. Check them out here: http://gma.yahoo.com/blogs/abc-blogs/aztec-diet-focuses-ancient-superfood-120103048–abc-news-Recipes.html.

Meanwhile, keep checking this blog for my own culinary experiments.

I was brave enough to put on my old pants today. Yes they zipped up. Yeah! No, they were not comfortable. Boo! Soon, though, soon.

Nothing much else to say. I spent the rest of the day polishing a flute. And, no, I am not being euphemistic.


Chocolate Cherry Banocado

    1 avocado
    1 banana
    1/2 – 3/4 Cup frozen cherries
    2 TBSP raw cacao powder
    2 – 4 TBSP ground chia seeds
    Water to desired thickness
    Option: add a large handful of spinach and more water to create an all-day smoothie

“Banocado” is a term I coined to refer to any smoothie that consists of fruit added to 1 banana and 1 avocado. This will actually produce 3-1/2 cups of smoothie, so it’s perfect for two people. If you want to be more in keeping with Dr. Bob’s recommendations, you can use 1/2 avocado and 1/2 banana. The produces a smaller carb load. The problem isn’t the avocado, it’s the banana. I can just have never figured out how to keep 1/2 an avocado, so I reduce my carb load the rest of the day. The other solution is to only use 1/2 a banana. I have no problem with that.

Aztec Diet, Diet, Food, Lia Anderson Dog Park Mysteries

Aztec Diet Day 30: Field Trip

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Pounds lost: 17

Pre-Breakfast: apple; Breakfast: Mango Tango; Costco Samples: Chobani blueberry yogurt, romaine lettuce with ranch dressing and a single crouton, 2 bites of grilled salmon patty (yes, I know you’re only supposed to take one); Snack: Starbucks cafe mocha; Lunch: Miso Green, 12 oz water with 4 TBSP ground chia; Snack: cottage cheese Dinner: venison stew served with quinoa; Snack: none

The venison stew is lovely. Which is good, because it’s playing all week.

I hope nobody thinks I’m holding myself up as a model of dieting perfection. Mostly, I wanted to record my intake and recipes, and since this is the thing I’ve been most preoccupied with for the past month, it was natural to put it on my blog. Otherwise, I’d have nothing interesting to put in my blog unless I were to post spoilers to my current Work In Progress, and you all know THAT’s not going to happen.

I’ve figured out a few things about weight loss, none of them earth-shattering.

1. Persistence is more important than perfection. I’ve snuck the occasional guilty treat. I don’t beat myself up about it, I get back on the diet and keep moving forward. I do document it though, because it helps me pin-point my weak spots. It also keeps me aware of how often I’m cheating. It’s too easy to justify the “occasional treat” until it becomes so frequent, you’re not dieting anymore.

2. It’s important to choose a diet and modify it so that it suits your schedule and your chemistry. In the case of the Aztec Diet, I’ve included more healthy fats. This is critical to managing my TBI and my depression. Cacao is also beneficial for mood management, and is frequent addition in my smoothies. I’ve increased the focus on raw foods because I find them more conducive to health and weight loss. I often start my day with a piece of fruit because my mandatory morning trip to the dog park pushes breakfast back to 10 a.m. And I create my own recipes. It’s so much easier to stick with a diet that I enjoy. I may not be losing weight as fast as those who stick strictly with the diet as written, but I know I can stick with it long enough to reach my goal.

3. Celebrate progress (but not by eating). My lounge-around-the-house pants are getting saggy. I see the beginnings of a waistline. I’ve had three people in the last week tell me that I look thinner. And, during my monthly trip to Cost-co today, I ate the healthy samples and felt no pull towards the mac ‘n’ cheese.

Yes, I did get that cafe mocha at Starbucks afterward. Anna handed me her Starbucks card and told me to get whatever I wanted while she picked up a few things at Target. (Obviously, Anna is one of my dietary weak spots.) As I said above, I’m not perfect. But I also perused the pastry case with only mild interest, not desperate longing. I’m losing my craving for carbs. I can eat without having to nap afterwards.

These things are all worth celebrating. So I give myself an “atta girl” every time I have to pull my pants back up. I do not buy myself an ice cream cone.

There’s a lot I can improve. I’ve got to work on handling restaurants. I need to drink more water. And one day I WILL add exercise back into my daily routine. But today I am thinner than yesterday. And I am not as thin as I will be tomorrow.

After Cost-co and Target, Anna and I went to Dick’s Sporting Goods so I could ogle the crossbows for research purposes. It’s so important to have an acquaintance with one’s murder weapons. I have to say they are really ugly looking pieces of equipment bearing only a slight resemblance to their Medieval progenitors. The hunting arrowheads are much more elegant. I also looked for Howling Coyote Predator Lure. I was thinking of buying a bottle so I could smell it. No, I’m not a pervert. It plays a part in my book. Alas, only deer urine. Anna offered to take me to her place so I could sniff her prize schnauzer, Hillary, who is in heat. I declined. It wouldn’t be the same.

If anyone has ever smelled coyote estrus, feel free to post your impressions below. You will earn my eternal gratitude.

The factory next door was making a vilely pungent batch of artificial smoke, presumably for human consumption. We decided that our clothes had to be permeated with the stuff from our stroll through the parking lot. We considered taking a walk in the woods to see what kind of wild-life we would attract. Then we considered the ‘wild-life’ usually hanging around in Burnet Woods and changed our minds.

Mango Tango

    1 Cup Mango
    1 Cup Papaya
    as much baby spinach as you can hold in one hand
    1/8 Cup cashews
    1/2 – 1 TSP ground ginger (or use raw)
    4 TBSP ground chia seed
Aztec Diet, Diet, Lia Anderson Dog Park Mysteries

Aztec Diet Day 28: Empty Fridge Syndrome

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Pounds lost: 17

Saturday
Breakfast: Eggs scrambled with mushrooms, red bell pepper, broccoli and cheddar cheese; Lunch: Kale Apple Carrot (Aztec Diet) Snack: Mandarin cutie; Dinner: Marie Callender Herb Roasted Chicken dinner. No, this is not advised, but at least it is no longer in the freezer. I wish I could say I was virtuous and skipped the potatoes. I can’t.

Sunday
Pre-breakfast: apple; Breakfast: 2 Cups Papaya Blackberry Smoothie; Lunch: 1 Cup Papaya Blackberry Smoothie and 1 large pink grapefruit; Snack: air-popped popcorn; Dinner: wild-caught pacific salmon pattie on sprouted multi-grain bread with a 2 TSP Miracle Whip and 4 oz pomegranate juice in 12 oz water with 2 TBSP ground chia.

My stomach is getting smaller. Not only is my paunch shrinking, I’m finding I am full on less food. This is a very good thing.

Eating fresh food requires that you actually use that food before it spoils. Now I’m out of avocados, out of kale and spinach, out of blueberries, almost out of frozen fruit. I have a lot of bananas, romaine, carrots and tofu. An almost empty fridge invites experimentation and odd combinations. But, no, I’m NOT going to make a smoothie out of that.

Today I was busy causing problems. Peter and Brent were grilling poor Kitty about her illicit relationship with the deceased. Poor woman is alone, 1,500 miles from home and has no one to turn to. Lia is sympathetic, but Peter doesn’t want her mixed up in police business. Think she’s going to listen?

So Lia and Peter are grousing at each other and I was too busy to shop. This morning I discovered not all combinations are good ones. I thought cacao went with everything. It does not. I’m leaving it out of the recipe below, because adding it made the whole thing taste like mud. Which did decrease my appetite and made it last longer. You can add it it you must, but hey, it tastes like mud.

Papaya Blackberry Smoothie

    1-1/2 Cups papaya
    1 Cup blackberries
    1-1/2 Cups spinach
    1/4 Cup cashews
    4 TBSP ground chia
Aztec Diet, Diet, Food

Aztec Diet Day 26: Going off the Reservation

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Pounds lost: 16

Thursday
Pre-breakfast: 2 Mandarin cuties; Breakfast: spinach, feta, tomato and onion omelet, rye toast, small portion of hash browns; Lunch: cottage cheese; Snack: 2 Mandarin cuties; Dinner: Yellow Submarine; Snack: none

Friday
Pre-breakfast: apple; Breakfast and Lunch: All Day Blueberry Banocado Smoothie; Snack: non-fat cottage cheese; Dinner: grilled cheese – cheddar on sprouted grain bread cooked in 1 TSP coconut oil; Snack: none

Woke up this morning to a 16 pound total loss. I seem to be doing best when I have solid food early in the evening and am able to skip the evening snack. So I’m switching the program to eat solid food for dinner and smoothies the rest of the time.

Yellow Submarine

    1 banana
    2 TBSP cashews
    1 Cup tropical mix (mango, pineapple and strawberry)
    2 Cups baby spinach
    2 TBSP chia

All Day Blueberry Banocado

    1 banana
    1 avocado
    1 Cup blueberries
    2 TBSP cacao powder
    4 TBSP ground chia
    water to make 5 Cups
Aztec Diet, Diet, Food

Aztec Diet Day 5 Holy Guacamole, Batman!

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Stats: I might have lost a pound, or maybe just 1/2 pound. Hard to tell on this scale. So total loss is 6 pounds for sure. Maybe 6.5, or even 7. If I’ve lost 7 pounds, my BMI is down 1.0.

Breakfast: 1-1/2 cups of smoothie left from last night’s Papaya Yum variation; Lunch: Chocolate Covered Cherry; Snack: 1 grapefruit and 4 Triscuits; Dinner: Holy Guacamole; Snack: nothing.

I ordered a new scale today, Amazon’s #1 digital scale. It’s on sale for 40% off. It’s time. My old scale only measures in even pounds. It changes its mind, depending on where I stand. Totally unreliable. I didn’t worry about it as long as the trend was down. But now I’m telling the world about my diet and need to be more accurate. And it’s demoralizing when the numbers bobble around. The EatSmart Precision Digital Bathroom Scale w/ Extra Large Backlit 3.5″ Display and “Step-On” Technology weighs at the nearest .2 of a pound. It doesn’t have any other sexy features, like BMI calculations. It does have 6,483 5-star reviews. I like simple, durable, reliable machines. It comes Tuesday.

My scale isn’t the only appliance I have that’s possessed. My Black and Decker Cyclone blender likes to roam around the counter like it’s playing bumper cars with my other appliances. The gasket came with ridges in it, so it leaks. Sometimes the lid lifts and spins around like Linda Blair’s head in The Exorcist. And I accidentally dropped the clear plastic insert in the lid into the blender while it was running several months ago (which it promptly ate). Now I have to be very careful how I turn it off or it will spray gunk all over my cabinets. For grins, I just checked reviews for this blender on Amazon. Apparently I’m not the only one who has suffered at the blades of this monster. I’ve kept it for the 475 watt motor, which is strong enough to chew up greens.

Now I’m window-surfing Amazon and discover Hamilton Beach has a lovely model with a 700 watt (peak power) motor for under $25 (3# under countertop blenders). The Oster BVCB07-Z Counterforms 6-Cup Glass Jar 7-Speed Blender has a 600 watt motor and sexy options for under $60 (#4 under countertop blenders). You only need 1/2 HP motor (375 watts) to grind up greens. Guess which one I want. Do not feel compelled to spend $400-600 on a blender just because Dr. Bob says so.

Today I made a guacamole smoothie for lunch. If you’re new to avocados, read yesterday’s blog and you’ll handle them like a pro.

Holy Guacamole
1 4-5″ pickling cucumber, skin on
1 avocado
1 red bell pepper
1 handful of spinach
1 clove garlic
Juice of one lemon
2 TBSP ground chia
Pinch of Real Salt or Celtic sea salt
1/4 – 1/2 TSP cumin
1/2 TSP dried cilantro or 1TBSP fresh
Cayenne to taste (optional)
Water to desired consistency

Note: Make this smoothie on the bland side. The flavor will intensify as it sits.

I like using pickling cucumbers instead of some of the water in smoothies. Cucumbers are almost entirely water, so If you use cucumbers, reduce your amount of water accordingly. I use pickling cucumbers because they are thin skinned and aren’t waxed. This is great because you don’t have to peel them. This means you get to keep the nutrition, which is almost entirely in the skin. It also saves time and energy (I’m big on conserving energy). According to Diane Onstad’s lovingly researched reference on plant foods, The Whole Food Companion, cucumber is alkaline, diuretic, disolves kidney stones and can destroy intestinal worms. Bonus!

I get my pickling cucumbers at a nearby Asian market. They’re hard to find. If you can’t find them, substitute part of one of those long, skinny English cucumbers that comes individually shrink wrapped.

Chocolate Covered Cherry

1 Banana
1/2 Cup frozen sweet cherries*
3-4 leaves of romaine
1 TBSP ground cacao nibs or raw cacao powder**
2-4 TBSP ground chia
pinch ginger (optional)
1 TBSP green powder (Optional)
1-3/4 Cups almond milk

Remember, add the green powder after the blender is running well and has a whirlpool.

*Do you really want to pit fresh ones?
**You can use unsweetened cocoa, but you’ll lose some lovely health benefits.